Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
