the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Text me some of your sweat
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
