Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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