I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize