my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
