How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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