Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
