Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
