I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
