At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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