I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
