worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
