considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
