i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
