get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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