I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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