why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
