Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
