there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
