OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
