why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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