really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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