You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
