you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
