Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
