Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
