this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
