Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
