Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
