There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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