either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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