the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize