So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
