I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
