TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
