She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
where are you?
Hypothermia
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
sex in a hospital.. check
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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