Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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