So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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