Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
