ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
