Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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