Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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