did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
