I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize