I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
