you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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