can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
