I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
