So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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