1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
