I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
