hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
