You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
