At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
