ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
