these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
