I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish I only lived at night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm passing your future prison.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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