They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
