remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
