the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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