Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
