literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
